Remember my new year resolution post?the very cheesy- most probably i will not achieve- one?(except for no.1,4 and 7) guess what, i lied. so, i started the year with lies, not the best of starts but i was just being optimistic that things will change. silly me. which means this is not what i really wanna see happening this year although i don't mind all that happening. . but, what i really really really want is effing freedom!!!

i had to turn down another date request from thanes. one of these days she is gonna grow tired of the whole she calling me out and me having to say no cycle that she is gonna stop trying. her sem exam has just finished and she wanted us to go out before my new sem starts because it will be even more impossible then. first i asked the lady with the iron fist. and she said no. haha. no surprise there. she didn't even bother thinking that i only went out once with my friends this whole sem break i got. (my parents are a lil weird as in they only let me go out with this certain friend and not the others) this is how a typical me asking permission conversation goes:

me: ma..
the lady: ?
me: ma...ma...
the lady: ???
me: can i go out with thanes? (this sentence is usually only half finished, as soon as the word out is heard the spontaneuos reply can be heard)
the lady: NO!
me: but...
the lady: NO, and its final.
me: i don't care, i am going.
the lady: oh, so even if i say no you will stil go.
me: yes!
the lady: fine, ask my silent partner, if he lets then you can go.
me: seething with rage and anger.

and ya i did ask the silent partner, he had the courtesy to ask the what, why and how's. and then when i asked can or not. he was silent and silent throughout. ha ha, my life is so funny i feel like crying. and to think that i am turning 21 this year. the situation is even more stomach ache inducing laughter funny. whoever said age is but a number is so right. i am still treated like a 12 year old. heck, even 12 year old nowadays have more freedom then i do.

the other incident i want freedom from is when i use the com. (this is the main reason i wanted a laptop) the com, eventhough its in the study room its visible when u enter the room. so what ever i am doing can be seen. and i am so bored with all the "what are you doing"crap. come on la you can see very clearly that i am 'reading my mail, playing pet society, reading manga, watching movie, or reading flog (food blog)' why want to ask somemore? why god why???????? and this happens every single time k.

and most of all i want to go far far far away from this house. it doesn't feel like home anymore.

Would you?

Racism pronounced Rey-siz-uh m is

1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

2.	a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3.	hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

explanation taken from here

Keeping this in mind would any sane person call this Indian a racist? This Indian in question has quite a number of friends from other races and ethnics although its true that her number of friends with Indian origins is larger. But isn't it the Law of the nature to be attracted to someone who shares something similar to you. A language or food preference? This Indian is proud of her race but does not feel they are superior in anyway because like any other person this Indian accepts that there is much to observe and learn from other races.

This so called racist loves her thosai and muruku but does not think twice before indulging with a chopstick into dim sum, pau (groundnuts is her absolute favourite), wan tan mee, hokkien mee, yong tau foo and is earnestly searching for a cik kut teh place (does it even exist?) to taste chicken bak kut teh. This same Indian is also game for nasi lemak kukus ayam berempah, kerepok lekor and nasi kandar. She also loves naan and chappati and would do (almost) anything for a box of Punjabi sweets. This Indian also craves for teppanyaki and adores spicy Japanese ramen. Alas she is not fond of sushi for its raw taste and the overpowering smell of seaweed.

The accused also loves Korean and Taiwan drama and have watched countless episodes of Samarinda. She loves movies by Datuk Shah Rukh Khan as much as she loves her Tamil movies. Has a huge crush on Wang Lee Hom, Jiro Wang and Jay Chou. Loves music by A.R Rahman as well as Kitaro. And is currently wishing to watch Cape no.7.

This Indian is also a huge fan of anime and have read countless mangas. Have read Amy Tan's Saving Fish from Drowning. Adores the darkness and raw brutality in books by Haruki Murakami. She has also read the Firewife (author name forgotten, but its a Chinese). Though the only book in Malay she has enjoyed is Konserto Terakhir. (secondary school literature)

So is it fair to call this Indian a racist because she has read The Alchemy of Desire by Tarun J. Tejpal, Q&A by Vikas Swarup (now a well acclaimed major motion picture by the name Slumdog Millionaire), The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai ( 2005 Man Booker Prize winner). Or because she wants to read The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga (2008 Man Booker Prize Winner) Or is it because she wishes to read the works of Salman Rushdie such as Midnight's Children (1981 Man Booker Prize winner and recently won the Best of Booker) , Shame, Shalimar the Clown and Fury? Since when was reading a good book deemed an act of racism?

So would you call this Indian (me) a racist?

snip snip

the scissors went.
swish swish my hair fell..

i hate my new haircut!!!!argh!!!!
its way too short. i said to cut near my bra line, but its way above.
WTF!!!!

it seems results is out...
i think im suffering from cardiac arrest. sweaty palms, shivering hands, palpitating pulse, quickened heart beat... the signs are all there. but the question is should i check now or not?

decisions....sigh.