Confessions of a

I like my loneliness. Does this sentence make me sound anti social? Like a recluse? a loner? But i really do like it. Perhaps solitude is a much better word. Sometimes i just like to be left alone. In my own little universe, without any interruption to my wildly free flowing thoughts. That moment is magic to me. Because half of the time i cant think back about the poetic lines by mind conjures up. Like how a magician would do, with just a wave, the thoughts leave me as soon as they reach, and in the same manner they did. Fleeting.

It doesn't mean i rather sit at a corner rocking myself back and forth then converse with you. If you have those thoughts regarding what i said above, i suggest you stop reading. It's not the mere act of socializing that irk me, its the pointlessness in some of the conversations. But unfortunately I am a good listener. or so people say. If a face that show not much expression, and a voice monotonous most of the times is a criteria for a good listener, than i fit perfectly in the mould.

Have i mentioned that i always thought i would go friendless. Because sometimes i feel I am better off like that. I don't care about many people in my life. Only a handful that i am truly close with. Those that i can bare my heart and soul with. But there are too many people who care for me, in ways that i never did, and never will. It's just my nature. Like how the spider bit the monkey that was helping it cross the river. And they both drowned. It was its nature. I accept you as my friend, but there are some boundaries that you shall not cross, and if you did, the security alarm goes off and i will begin my retreat. The harder you try, the further i'l go.

Not many people have had the chance of breaking down the barriers around me. One was let in by me, the other came crashing thru. But surprisingly no alarms rang. The wall has been crumbled, and the alarm deactivated. How, i don't even know. And to only this two person my true nature is known. The ones that knows my fake smile from my genuine one. But to others i will always be distant. Always was, always will.

and calling me everyday day is not the way.